Sept 14th: A Black Tie Affair

Things were not looking good heading in attendance wise…Kyle had a hangnail, Ryan got a yeast infection, Shane went to Chippendales and no one could figure out what the hell Wilson was going to do..amongst others. So when we had 11 at kick off things looked promising. Bradford came out strong, but this game felt different, like we were never really under pressure, despite some hectic moments. About 20 minutes in we won a free kick and Hacksaw Daryl Duggan sent in a beauty kick that found Chris “I Got It This Time Boys” Gilewicz who flicked one just wide of the far post. Bradford responded in kind with a typical crisp passing play resulting in defensive chaos during which they hit each post back to back. But Will “Can I Touch Your Penis?” Gormaly scooped up the ball (with his hands) and calmly restored order. He booted it down the field where it was expertly flicked by Mike “Air Force One” Sutton, just missing sending Chris G clear. From there it was a more measured affair with Bradford having the balance of chances but never really getting traction – mostly due to the stellar play of our midfield, and the stone cold offensive shut down by Steve “That Should be Our Go To Defensive Arrangement” Mason. We went into the half tied 0-0.

It was more of the same in the second half, though we did gain the addition of one Welsh farmer. Though Bradford remained composed through the middle they never could mount anything substantial…except on set plays. This team has shown a few glaring weaknesses over the course of this season, and they are, in no particular order 1. Giving up late goals 2. Giving up goals in set pieces, and 3. Letting the one guy you know is dangerous score. All 3 of those factors came together on a corner with about 10 minutes left. Bradford got a corner and one hopped it through the box, where the one guy on their team that had shown any potential in that situation (he had two free headers of corners already in the game) moseyed in and nudged it home. It might have broken a weaker team, but not a team with as many pounds per inch as us. We started pressing, and won several kicks in succession just over their half that were placed dangerously in the box. on one such kick Will put one in the area the jumbled around and went to the chest of Wilson “The Mayan Prophecy” Zabala who controlled it beautifully and slotted in short side to tie it up. There were a few tense moments, but that was the score that would stand – 1-1.

Well played boys, we are really coming together. It only took a season, but considering how we made out against the top team in the league there is no reason we can’t win this whole thing next year if we keep this group together. We are really starting to click.

Man of the Match: Wilson “The Email Enigma” Zabala, with special mention to Steve “Kill Switch” Mason” and Chris “Nice Pantyhose” Gilewicz.

Sept 9 Vs Bradford Red

What can I say lads…its been a while. 6 ties are kind of boner killing….and the one time I really wanted to write one I had to go to the hospital. Anyway, it was a good showing tonight. We started strong, and had noticeably good passing, which is not a traditional Orillia strength. Bradford was giving us a good go for first 20 minutes or so, and at about the 25th Daniel-San made a good run and caught the ball in stride and I committed for him to shoot, only to have him punk my geriatric ass and leave Will with no choice but goonery. Shaft promptly converted the spot kick. We put the heat on afterwards. Hugo “Chatterbox” Vicente (a weak nickname, I know) hit the crossbar, and shortly thereafter Ryan “Run Forrest, Run!!” Davison curled one just over the crossbar as well. The chances were so numerous that everyone felt pretty confident going into half, even though we were down 1-0.

As the second began, it was more of the same. We dominated them like it was our job, and soon enough our persistence paid off. Ryan “That’s How Fuckin Good I am Bitches” Davison got the ball in area, did a few pirouettes and launched one that took a favourable deflection and went in the net. It seemed like we were destined to win, carrying the play and only giving up a few chances in our end (though to be fair, both were quality scoring chances with them just roofing it). About 2/3rds of the way through the second half a cross happened to catch Steve “That was a wicked body check in the Barrie Masters game btw” Mason in the elbow. They got a free kick, and some dude who you would never suspect possessed that kind of skill tucked one of the nicest shots you’ll ever see in this league into the top corner. We just went back at them, with Mark “Robert Baratheon” Bramhall hitting the crossbar yet again, and Chris “Switch Your Header Setting to ‘Offensive Zone'” Gilewicz showing that our team also has a bit of a roofie addiction. And yes, that was a quote within a quote. Anyway, despite our absolute control of the game – and I must say, everyone played really well tonight – we ended up losing 2-1. That’s ok though, as we’ll see these guys again. Cue the Jaws theme…

Man of the Match: “Ryan “What a Skilled Wipeout That Was” Davison. But again, everyone played extremely well. Probably the best team game we’ve played in years.

So I’ll see you all on Wednesday for a bullshit mid-week game.

Cup Game: Barrie FC

We played ok, but left Chris “Their Only threat” Miles open and he converted a header on a free kick, and then they converted a penalty. We lost 2-0.

Man of The Match: The posts and crossbars.  They saved a lot for us that game…

Game 3: Staying Consistent

After a whack of bail outs, things did not look great heading into our contest with league leaders Bradford Red.  We did manage to field a full team (barely) in time for kick off and even gave applied some pressure briefly in the beginning.  The tide soon turned however, as they displayed a coordinated attack and almost as much talent per pound as our own Brama bull.  But Will was solid as always, and his excellent positioning meant they shot wide on every attempt.  Kevin “I Work Out With Harper” Johnson was a hive of activity in the midfield, rushing and taking chances, and was complemented by Dave “Whatever You Drank Last Night, Drink That Every Time” Malt who showed a perfect midfielders instinct.  Just before half, Kevin’s constant pressure paid off, when a miscue by their defense allowed him the chance to beat the goalie to the ball and lob one over his head and into the net.  We went into the half up 1.

The second half was more even in terms of pressure, with both teams getting chances.  About a third of the way through Sutton was awarded a penalty and promptly converted, putting us up 2-0.  Bradford was not impressed with the call, and began to voice their concerns in an even more whiney style than usual.  A few minutes later they got on the scorecard with a well struck shot, but we respo0nded in kind to go up 3-1.  However, that leas was short lived when they were awarded quite possibly the worst penalty call I’ve ever seen.  Shoulder to shoulder head ball. They converted.  Afterwards, we pressured well, With Dave “That’s It, You’re Mid From Now On” Malt comically impersonating their complaining after a minor brush with one their players.  They scored on the last play of the game and we ended up tying.

Man of the Match: Dave “Peak” malt.

Game 1: Home vs Barrie FC

Preamble: After 4 months of sitting and sleeping I decided to do some extreme stretching and strained both hamstrings.  Dunno if you noticed how hobbled I was, but it was bad.  More on that later.

The started off full of promise. We had a bunch of new recruits show up, and it was awesome.  There is a pretty strong correlation in this league between having subs and winning games.  That connection and our confidence was on display early, as we had numerous chances to take the lead but just could not finish any of them.  The fact they started with 8 or 9 guys helped too.  About midway through the first Mike “The Finisher” Sutton caught the goalie cheating and buried a nice shot pretty well in the center of the net.  We had our lead, and things looked good.

After the half the game evened out somewhat, though on balance we were still getting the majority of the chances.  About halfway through Sutton found himself mano a mano with the goalie and showed some soft feet by nudging the ball into the net super slo mo style when both hesitated to avoid a collision.  Being up 2-0 the outcome seemed assured and we started looking for more chances.

With about 5 minutes to go we turned the ball over and they swarmed like like a nest of fire ants.  Why fire ants you say?  Cuz even though Mike “The Last Line” Christie did his best to stop the attack they stung us on the 3 on 1.  Still though, what are their chances with 2 minutes left right?

Well, cue Sargeant Gimpington.  On the last play of the game they put a free kick to Miles (my guy on that play, who left my crippled ass in the dust) who tucked in a goal similar to Sutton’s second in that both players kind of froze and then there was the lightest of touches that scored.  It ended 2-2, though it felt like a loss.

On the bright side, we have 6 new players.  There were some growing pains, but that is to be expected.  Things will sort out as we get used to playing styles.

Man of the Match: Mike “The Deuce Dropper” Sutton





2015 is Here – New Players Wanted

Both the over 35s and 45s are looking for new players. If you are interested, please visit the 45s page for Steve’s contact details and the 35s page for Aaron’s/Jamie’s contact details.

Note all players need to fill out a registration form for this year.


April 24th – Competitive Team Tryouts: 6:30 – 8:00pm @ the turf field (Rotary place/WOSC). After the tryouts are over, the 35s are having a friendly against Barrie, kickoff @ 9pm.  and any 45s or young guys who want to participate can.

May 1st – Competitive Team Tryouts: 6:00 – 8:00pm @ the turf field (Rotary place/WOSC). The 45s then have an exhibition game there at 9pm.  We also have the field booked at Kitchener park from 6-11 and so the 35s and 45s can practice there as well.

May 8th – We have the field at Kitchener park (one of the ones closest to the dump) from 6-11 for all teams to use.  Most likely further details will arise on that as the date get closer.

New Players

Need their registration form and a  player book, and the sooner the better.


Tuesday night is practice night, please email Steve for times and location.